In our media-saturated world, we are constantly bombarded by advertisements, film portrayals and imageries of romance, where two people stare at each other, embracing hugs and kisses, gazes each other in the eyes and stargazes into the dark abyss.
Yes, how beautiful, how romantic.
We enter relationships hung up on the idea of love more so than the person themselves. It is a tragedy many of us have been through, yet its completely natural and normal as we grew up with this certain preconceived notion of how romance should be, and that if you aren’t in a relationship, you are lacking something. You are not ‘normal’. You are not a great person enough for people to want to be with you, for the sweet love of Jesus, for eternity.
I call that bullshit.
My idea of a relationship, after a few ones that ended, is that, I don’t necessarily NEED that type of emotional assurance. Initial stages of dating, that seduction, that flirtatious fun and humour, creative exchange of witty banters and sarcasm, is all fabulous and AMAZING, that’s the initial attraction level anyway. But what really is important to me, in order to have a full-fledged successful functioning long term relationship, is someone who can feel like home to me, yet we don’t make homes out of one another.
Somebody who can support my dreams, aspirations and respects me enough to be able to allow me to live myself truthfully, challenges me, gives me thought-provoking mental stimulation, guidance while mutually benefitting each other to grow and be the best versions of ourselves. To be there, simply because they are and are willing to help me with my problems, while I unconditionally want to help them with theirs. Together, we will achieve so much more.
Why do we enter relationships anyway? I do love the intimacy and tenderness, whether it be a physical proximity, sex, yet entering relationships solely for companionship does not work for me.
Maybe partly because I am a single child, I have long since learnt how to enjoy my solitude and have fully accepted it. My independence has shaped me and grounded me into who I am today, in doing the things I do, and being the way I am.
I previously had a conversation with someone I’ve been casually seeing which left me with a realisation I didn’t realise I have. Being truthfully honest, I realise even doing “cute romantic things” and acting it out in a certain way to me, feels unnatural. It feels like I am acting out scenes of sappy romantic movies that feels awfully scripted. That is not to say I can’t love or I am emotionless. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am everything but emotionless. I have profound emotions dwelling within the recesses of my mind 24/7. I just have a harder time expressing it and I simply have other ways of showing my love. Through acts of service, quality time, physical touch and presence. I find it more difficult to talk about my deepest personal feelings. It takes a lot and a special some one to be able to lure it out of my mouth.
Therefore, a relationship ultimately deemed worthy of pursuing is perhaps one that seemed more realistic and objective. I have never used the word ‘objective’ to describe a relationship, but it just made so much sense to me. The romantic emotional side of relationships are important and fun, not to dismiss them, they are necessary. Yet if we only chase that idea of those qualities in a long-term functioning relationship, it will not be able to work. Because feelings come and go, how are you never bored of someone? Can you say for sure? We only realise it when we know the relationship is bound to end and naturally bound to throw ourselves into the wells of heartbreaks, anger and hatred.
Only if we all take the time to truly think and ask ourselves what exactly do we want in a relationship. Is it love or emotional dependancy?
I would like a partner in crime. I would like someone to hate people together and to love them just as much. But we are completely separate individuals. No one really belongs to anyone. People are not objects.